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Writer's pictureTom Edwards

Lost without a mountain to climb?

Updated: Jul 17, 2020

At the end of next month we will have been living in Wales for a year, and the fact these 12 months have rolled around so incredibly fast is reflective of the challenges that have filled them. Lately, I have become increasingly conscious that these challenges are making me far removed from the simple life I am supposed to be searching for, and it’s left me wondering if my interest lies in the goals of these challenges, or the need for the challenge itself.

A couple of years ago, after selling the bed and breakfast business in France, I was relieved to be relatively debt free, stress-less and footloose. With no monumental challenges to face, no impossible ends to meet and no major problems to solve, the bumpy path I walked quickly flattened to a gentle stroll. However, as someone once pointed out to me in a proverbial sense, I seem lost without a mountain to climb - so I guess its inevitable that the last 12 months seem to have involved a determined return to mountaineering. This has left me pondering the merits of this insightful observation, questioning why I take on so many battles, and wondering if I am indeed lost without them. Its been a bit of a crazy year, that's seen us relocate to another country, settle the children into a new school, move home twice, juggle renovations on three properties, and acquire 4 acres of land. Along the way we have experienced our fair share of drama, from floods in the depths of winter to our water supply running dry in the spring. We've also shared our journey with 20 sheep and a loopy dog, and learnt the hard way that these don't make a very good combination. The past 12 months have also strained my enthusiasm for renovating old properties, and finally made me realise its about time my focus shifted to reaping the fruits of my labour.

It's all got me wondering if my longstanding goal of a “simpler” life has been just another excuse to "climb mountains" and, for some reason, simplicity is in fact exactly what I have been trying to avoid. After a short period sitting inside my head, I have managed to climb back out convinced that it is not such a bad thing to live on the edge a little, and my disposition has been a relatively healthy and progressive one - and not some kind of deep seated psychological strategy for avoiding trauma. I have also concluded that upheaval is an inevitable consequence of pursuing worthwhile goals, as invariably they take so much time, energy and resources to achieve. I am also suitably persuaded that ultimate satisfaction in life can only derive from experiencing and overcoming the struggles that the pursuit of goals throw at us and, after all, this will make you wiser. If that's not justification enough for developing an obsession with mastering obstacles, then there are also the opportunities this inevitably opens up, even if these were not the intended objective. For us, the challenges over the years have allowed us the opportunity to make the Smithy our family home, enjoy the captivating landscape that surrounds it and embark on a new and different future, even though this was not necessarily the game plan. The tangible progress bought about by shear graft has inspired learning and encouraged experiences, and these are invaluable lessons for our children. As the buildings take shape and the land starts to develop, so do we, and perhaps in a more complete way than if we had avoided the challenges in the first place. From a wobbly start, the kids no longer feel displaced, and are setting down strong roots like the mighty oaks that hold their rope swings and shelter their dens in the magical meadow in which they play. This increasing sense of belonging is being reinforced by the friendships they have made at their new school, and the security and familiarity that new people and places always end up bringing. Over the last 12 months there is no doubt they have grown.

There's also no doubt it's been a difficult 12 months with it's fair share of tears, worry and stress, but this has increasingly given way to adventure, excitement, learning and promise, and surely that's what life's all about? So, not only am I happy with choosing potentially treacherous paths, I wholeheartedly advocate and encourage it in whatever form this takes. The more fundamental question for me is whether I am “lost” in the absence of such challenges, and this has been a more difficult and emotive concept to fathom, after all, no one wants the default position of being lost. Watching the children confidently embrace their new life has helped me look at this from a different angle, and made me appreciate the power of unity and love in enabling you to belong anywhere, and rise to any challenge. This has left me concluding that it's not that I am lost without a mountain to climb, but I climb them because I know exactly where I am, and I have decided that it is from this position I look forward to the next 12 months.


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